Golf Puns – A Fairway to Break Up a Round
By MIKE BAILEY
Let me tell you the story about an annoying but entertaining playing partner. One day we were playing on a local golf course. Through four holes, my friend was 1-under par.
You’re really playing well,” I told him.
“Thanks,” he said. “This course fits me to a tee.”
After we both reached the green in regulation on the next hole, I missed my putt and settled for par. He drained about a 20-footer for birdie and started singing, “I like big putts, and I cannot lie…”
On the next hole, a 160-yard par 3, my friend hit a 7-iron to three feet of the cup.
“That’s why they call me Iron Man,” he proclaimed.
A couple of holes later, on a long par 5 with a big lake to the left, I pulled my tee shot into the water, only to hear this: “Man, you hit that to the Golf of Mexico.”
Or the ‘Golf of America,’ right?
This round, though entertaining, was getting longer by the minute. He never stopped.
He had a bad lie in the bunker on one hole and said, “What a load of trap this is.”
Later, he found a divot with his tee shot on a par-4 hole.
“That’s an unfairway,” he proclaimed.
Finally, the round came to a merciful end. We said our goodbyes.
Holding up his hand with his ring finger and middle finger separated, he said, “Golf forth and prosper.”
My reply is to stay with the science fiction/fantasy theme.
“May the course be with you,” I wished him.
Golf Puns or Funs
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of a pun is the usually humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound.
Some people hate puns; some like them. But you must admire someone who can come up with these witty one-liners. It takes creativity and imagination, and they’re often a good laugh. And some are certainly better than others.
Probably the most common pun involving golf is the word “fore.” Even nongolfers know that’s the word you use when you’ve hit an errant shot – or maybe hit too far into the group in front of you – to warn others on the golf course that they should duck and cover because they might be getting hit by a golf ball that was just struck.
For the love of the game, though, and asking “for a friend,” use this one sparingly. Using “fore” in a golf pun that is spoken can get lost since “for” and “fore” are pronounced precisely obviously the same, and you can’t see the spelling difference if you hear someone use it. “Foretune” favors the bold is mostly lost when spoken, though you can use it, I guess, by stressing the word “fore.”
Don’t Putt Up with any Nonsense
One of the best words for golf puns is the word “putt” because when spoken, it’s understood that you’re using the word “putt” instead of “put,” and there are so many times you can use it.
For example, when your match comes down to the final stroke, you might tell your opponent in jest, “Putt up or shut up!”
Or if you’ve made a series of putts during the day, maybe you might say you’re “putting it all together today.” And don’t forget to pronounce it with the emphasis on “putt.”
When you make a clutch putt: “That’s the way I putter my bread.” Or you can call me “Harry Putter.”
Or when you finally make one after a day of misses: “Putter late than never.”
Or when you drop your Scotty Cameron. “Putter fingers.”
Or when you’re encouraging your friend: “Putt yourself together, man!”
Golf puns on bumper stickers, T-shirts, and mugs
This famous bunker sticker was brilliant for the company that created it: “I’d rather be driving a Titleist.”
On a mug, you might see, “My cup of tee.”
This was seen on a T-shirt: “It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.”
Or: “Let’s Par-Tee!”
More Golf Pun Fun
Of course, we’ve just scratched the “putting surface” here regarding golf puns. They can start when you’re thinking about playing golf.
“To tee or not to tee; that is my question for today.”
When you’re playing companion on the 16th hole says you just hit your best drive of the day during a miserable round where you’ve lost a half dozen golf balls, you might correct him. “Nope, my best drive of the day will come when I leave the golf course.”
When you reach a par five in two strokes. “Not all shots are created ‘eagle.’”
After you make that putt for a three on a par 5, the retort could be, “stay humble and put your eagle aside.”
When you can’t make a par, you might tell everyone, “That’s why they call me the bogey man.”
When you top a shot to the green: “That’s a novel approach.”
Or how about when you blade your greenside sand shot into the lip, it pops up and settles right next to the hole? “That’s bunkers!”
You might get this one when you’re having a great round: “You’re tee-riffic!”
And finally, when you’ve had enough, give up halfway through the round: “All bets par off!”